Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Nosey Passenger

I got dispatched to make a pick-up at the Laundromat. So I pull up and a Hispanic guy is standing in the doorway, he opens the door and stares at me. I ask "did you call a cab?", so he walks over and said yea a while ago, then he bends down and asks (in broken English) "was that your father or your husband?" I ask "who the dispatch?" (I am confused, cause that was a strange question) he responds " ah yea, I guess". I said "do you need a ride or not?" He tells me to hold on, and goes in to get his stuff. When he goes in I radio the dispatch and say "the customer wants to know whether you are my husband or father. He responds, "tell him both we keep it in the family, so I laugh."

The guy and his wife/girlfriend come out with their clothes and get in the cab. So as soon as he gets in he asks again, (By the way his breath was funky as hell), "was that your husband or father", I said "yes" she had a puzzled look. I then said "where are you going", he gave me directions to the location so I start to drive. He asks again in a different way, I guess he thought I didn't understand because his English wasn't great. He says "Your husband?" I said "yes" he said "your father" I said "yes", he looked puzzled again, she he said "your father OR your husband?" I said "both, we keep it in the family", his mouth fell open and he looked straight ahead for a second and then sat back and said OHHH HEY ZEUS (Oh Jesus)!

I guess I broke, him but he deserved that, he couldn't let it go. Don't worry, Karma gives me no breaks my next passenger broke me, just walkin to the car....but I had my moment.

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Jon

So I was waiting at the station and a young woman, with a wig came over to the car, I believe she was African (because of her accent), she said "OH a woman driving a taxi, I have never seen that before (everyone who gets in says that)." So I ask her where she is going and she says "to the Giant, "(which is a grocery store) but I am waiting for my friend." so I assume it is her girlfriend who was on another train because I didn't see anyone else out there, so I put my car back in park to wait for the next train, I was wrong I didn't look hard enough; coming from the phone booth which appeared to be coming my way was a little Hispanic man. I said "Is this your friend" slightly puzzled, she responded "yes". He was much older than she was, but okay. He gets in the car and mumbled something, so I pull off.

I have passengers who do not speak english they either have where they are going written down or they say the little bit of english so they can to direct me, so he says "yI yant" which means he didn't speak much english, (cause that what my passengers who speak spanish and not much english get in and say when they want to go to or behind the Giant). So the girl says "did you notice she is a woman driving", so he had to understand that, so he said in the Ricky Ricardo voice but with broken english to the top of his lungs "YES A WOMAN I LIKE THAT..." (he goes on), "DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH" I didn't verbally respond, I shook my head no. "HE SAID OF COURSE YOU DO LOOK AT YOU YOU MUST SPEAK SPANISH OOOHH LALA, I LOVE IT WHEN A WOMAN DRIVES ME, I WANT HER TO DRIVE ME... DRIVE ME I LOVE IT.... He would not shut up so I don't know what came over me, so I busted in to the top of my lungs "YOU LOVE WHEN A WOMAN TAKES CONTROL HUH, YOU LIKE TO RIDE." (I know you all hate me, but trust me I hate myself at this point). So he starts to laugh, cause he is stunned, we pull to the mall where the Giant is and he says, no no CVS (which is the pharmacy).

Okay so from the beginning when the girl got in the car I thought she was tricking, but now that they are going to the pharmacy probably for condoms it confirmed it, this was my first pick up of the night, it also was my best tip for the night... I need to make some life changes.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Other Cab Drivers

When I first started driving the other drivers (the ones at the station) seemed not to like me, I am not sure why but those who know me have to love me hehe (they are disgusted right now if they are reading this). They are now started talking to me a little too much.

It was kind of slow for a Friday, I was low on change and didn't feel like stopping at the store, so just decided to ask one of the other drivers for some change. So I asked him "do yo have change for a 10.00", he said "let me see the money", I said "let me see the change", so he laughed and said "I haven't seen you out here before", I said "I haven't seen you either", so the train pulled in he gave me the change and we parted ways.

I dropped and pulled back around to the station and he was in front of me waiting too, so he jumps out and comes back to my car and starts to talk, he was all over the place at first asking me questions and telling me about his life and such, so I ask him how is he doing these days since the cab business is a little slow. He says "it is not slow for me I work in DC and he always makes at least $200.00 a day." then he adds "and if it does get slow, I know plenty of girls" so I asked "what does that mean, you just hang out with them or" he stops me abruptly and says "no, I mean whores, I give my car for $75.00, I said "what" "How long do they have the cab for that price?" He said "they only want it for 5-7 minutes, get in and get out, cheaper than a hotel and quicker". So of course I ask "well where do you go", he said I don't go anywhere I stay in the the front seat (nasty mofo), the police will be watching me not what goes on in the back of the cab," then he presses his face to the back of my cab and says it is really clean back there (I can't... even though we didn't touch I had to use my hand sanitizer man...damn felt all dirty).

He started asking me did I have any single friends or a sister, I said no, I have a brother though, so we laughed a bit, and said he doesn't understand the whole gay situation, I told him if I was man I would be gay because I can't take women they are too dramatic,so he tells me that he use to own a business here but he sold it and left the country for a little while and then came back.

But some of the girls that use to work for him at the club were bisexual, and he was curious about the gay thing, so he paid them to have sex in front of him. I told him "you could have rented porn if you were curious, but you wanted the first hand experience," so of course I asked "so what did they do" (yes if you gonna tell it tell it all) he said well I don't know what you call it, but one was at the bottom and the other was at the top" I said "we call that 69", he was like I didn't even get aroused or anything. (I didn't bother to tell him he got jipped, if you even have ever seen soft porn you get more than that).

so he says "I paid them later to have a menage trois, but I could only be with one of the women, I couldn't even get to the other one (he was so serious and confused), so I asked "what happened?" He "I was worried that they would beat and rob me" LOLOLOL. You know I told this whole story for that last line!!

Oh by the way they didn't beat or rob him, of course I asked did he try it again he said "no" (punk ass).

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Dallas Cowboy Fan

Most of DC football fans are for the Redskins as sorry as they have been most here still support them. When the Cowboys come to town there is always tension in the air. In PG County there is a new stadium which as a cab driver I had the privilege to experience last season some good ass money from the stadium. This years Redskins Cowboy game ending early for many as the fights broke out and the skins were loosing (as usual) so I was picking up earlier than I thought.

I picked up a group of young men that had been drinking, it was four of them because one of them had to get in the front seat. He was telling me that he came up here from New York I believe with this girl he had met at home, but he got a little buzzed and got into an argument with a Redskins fan in the stadium so she left him there. I said "you brought her all the way from New York and she left you?" He said "yea, I am not going to call her anymore". Because that was such a stupid response, it peeked my curiosity (in other words he needed my advice, LOL), I asked him how old he was he told me 23, so I said "were you planning on marrying this girl?" he said "no" I said of course you weren't you are 23, you brought her here for sex." He responded "yes, she even asked could I get a room for her friends and I did."

I told him she knew why you were bringing her and getting the room for you guys and her friends was for sex and she is trying to use you. She is a fucked up individual and you don't need to call her back........but only after you are going to get your dick sucked or something first, then cut that bitch out of your life, she is fucked up.

Because he was so young I and the things he was saying, I could tell no one ever told him that dating, marriage is all prostitution it is just an indirect form, you paying for it one way or the other. Even in marriage (for some woman), If they don't get what they want the withhold sex or even if they get mad (whores) I digress, I told him that go back to the room, pee some of the liquor out of his system and call that whore on the phone, tell her all the shit she wants to hear, have sex with her and never call her again, AT THE VERY LEAST get your dick sucked, he giggled, but I was not playin, he already paid for it, get what you paid for (the full service if possible) and move on with your life.,You don't need bitches like that around you.

He thanked me and left me a $20.00 tip....It is cheaper than therapy.

The Sexless Lover

Many of the cab drivers in the county will not go into DC at night, I understand, but I need all of my money so I do. The train leaves the station around midnight Sun-Thurs, after the point if you don't have a ride you have to take a cab or walk. Well this night the guy got off work after 12 and missed his train to DC, so of course all the other drivers rejected him I took him.

Because I am a woman driver many of the men tell me their issues look for opinions from another woman, and of course I had one. This particular passenger swore up and down he was a lover not a fighter and I had nothing to fear from him, he was so much of a lover that his girl would be paying for his fair on the other end, so take my time, it was not his dime. He was around 27 (which I thought was too young) and engaged to a girl he had only known for a year, but he started to tell me about his fiancee and about how she didn't like to have a lot of sex she wouldn't suck his dick and do other freaky things, so I asked him why was he marrying her he seemed to already be unhappy and unsatisfied in his relationship with her.

He said he loved her and she loved him. I don't understand I told him, they were very early in the relationship and she doesn't do the things that he liked, (I couldn't tell him straight up she was probably cheating), she may not be in love with him. He still was puzzled, I said I will just say this, when someone is in love with you they can't deny you, they do things that they know make you happy and please you. When you are that early in the relationship, you miss the person from the time they leave until the time they come home and you can't wait to have sex with especially if you are engaged you can do all the freaky shit you want. So the question you need to be asking is why won't she? I just said be leary she may be cheating, she is a young woman the sex drive is far from dead, (should I told him that he had a small dick or was bad in the bed?)

So we pull up and after all the whining he did for this women you would think she was gonna be a bad bitch, I turned my head to look and I swear she looked like a glazed shitball... I was further perplexed. The guy was a handsome young man, I have always been told that ugly woman do all kinds of freaky shit to keep their men that other woman don't have to do, to keep a man, but this woman didn't.. I could understand his whining if she put it on him, but she won't so WTF??! Could it be money? but I was dropping him in the hood, I mean the deep hood, what did I miss here people?

The Drug Mule

The night was dark and just kidding..but it was. It was late on a weeknight and I was tired as hell and for some reason I was riding with my headlights off. A guy flagged me down and I thought he wanted to be picked up, he was just telling me my headlights were off and then asks how much would it be to go up to the apartments over by the Old Landover Mall. I give him the price and he and his friends get in the car.

While we are riding, he asks is this car wired, I asked like on Taxicab confessions? He says "no, some of the cabs have a GPS systems on them so the dispatch can see where you are at all times." So I say "Do I have to mace your ass and call the police" he laughs and says "na na it is not like that." So he goes on to see if I would like to make $500 extra dollars a week if I would make about 12 stops for him once a week.

I am no idiot I have been around many dealers in my time, so before I answered, (which took me at least 60 secs...again don't judge me), I told him no because the money now would be good, but fuck that, I drive a cab and my life was complicated enough.

Once I ran down the whole headache of the drug game which they couldn't believe I had any clue about and asked them how they were still dealing they were speechless. His man giggled and got out of the car, I think they felt stupid, I got a good tip! hehe.