Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Drink

When you are in your 30's there are certain liberties that you should be able to take without worrying about what your parents think of you. I pick up this guy and like many of my passengers he wants to go the liquor store before he goes in the house. I take him and he gets several hard liquors. He has a nice suit on and is telling all about his job good job on Capital Hill.

He talks a bit about his woman problems and we bullshit a bit more. He gets his drink and his cellphone rings. I can only hear from his end...all I hear is "well I didn't see, so I caught a cab", he keeps tryin to get a word in but is cut off each time by the person on the other end. He says "can you just take me to the Checkers right here she will be along to pick me up, I will pay you for your time?" I say "okay." I am thinking his girlfriend is being bitchy, cause he is like "she gets on my muthafucking nerves, I can not have any private time".

We pull in and I pull over while we wait he pulls out his bottles and sodas and starts mixing drinks, he asks me do I want one, I tell him nah, I am driving. He says I know you want one I am going to mix you a drink anyway. So a car pulls in and he screams to the top of his lungs, OH MY GOD SHE IS HERE...SHIT! All this commotion ensues in the back of the car I am like what the hell, so he pays me and starts to whisper hide this. In my mind I am like this Son of a Bitch has drugs on... the man is comin to get me! Why did he give me the bottles he just bought, and say I am not suppose to be drinking and jump out and say sorry momma I am comin.. running with his arms flailing like a small child.

What did I just witness?

The Night Was Sultry

Here lately the weather has been humid and I don't cut the air on in the cab because it burns too much gas. This night, I was about to go home but decided to pick up another call. It wasn't too many drivers out so I decided to go ahead and make some money. I picked the call up and he wanted to go to Addison Road station, so I dropped him there. I never sit at this station, but since I was there I was going to see if there was any money flowing.

A guy gets in my car and he looked startled at first probably because I was a woman or he could have thought I was ugly, who knows. He asks can I take him to eastern avenue, so I say okay, do you have an address, he said no, but I know how to get there (this is actually a common response). So we go up one side of Eastern Avenue and he says can you drive back down. In my mind I am like DAMN this is a prostitute situation, but the thing about Eastern Avenue is that they are all transvestites the men have run off all the woman even the crack whores.

So he says slow down, I know this person and asks me to roll down his window. Before I go any further this man looked like Conan the barbarian (the trick/prostitute not the passenger), I mean there was nothing feminine about him. There are feminine shemales out there that you can't tell are men until they speak, but this one, I mean had nothin girly about him except his clothes. So it tells my passenger the price will be $75.00, it gets in. Because I have a bullet proof sheild up it is tight for a big tall person in the back, so its says, ooo it is tight back here, (words you don't want to hear from male prostitute dressed like a woman). So my passenger begins to unzip and it starts to bend to suck his dick. My eyes got big....OH HELL NO YA'LL CAN'T DO THAT IN MY CAR. So it tells me it will pay me, I don't care about the money it is about the clean up and my mental health. So it gets a little persnickety, and is like "it will only take 5 minutes, if you just drive." Okay now I am in a quandary because:

1. This is still a man and it could whip my ass.
2. If we get into an argument some spittle can get on my face and possibly my lip and I will freak out. I already had to through my Arby's drink out when it got in because it's essence might have seeped in. I am sorry if I am being stank (because I do drive a cab and I can't judge), but it is one thing to think that everyone that gets in your cab is a dick sucking whore, but to have a confirmed dick sucking transvestite riding, it is too much mentally.

So I say "you have to find some place else". So they tell me to drive over to these apartments and while we are riding it is like "you want me daddy" and the passenger was smiling, so I turn up my radio and try and curb my nausea by rolling down the window but there was nothing but stale humid air, there was no escape from this hell.. anyway they have me pull up in these apartments and they get out and ask me will I wait (Of course, I will wait I want my money) I said "yes"I just let them know I was keeping the meter running, so I am thinking this is going to be a good 10 minutes extra....do you they were done in less then five, I guess that strong jaw was working it out, sorry anyway, they get in I drop it back to its stroll it tells the passenger to come back again so I drop him back to the station get my money I am like good, this is too much, I am done, for the night.

Why did this other cab come barreling around the corner and runs all up on the curb, this girl jumps out and closes his door so hard it almost breaks it and says miss can you give me a ride. I tell her okay, where are you going she tells me Suitland Road, I say okay. She tells me that he wanted money up front and she didn't want to give it to him and she was glad I was there. From what I understand some drivers ask for money up front and don't give back the change sometimes. She rattled on for a while and told me how thankful she was blah blah blah, so I got her to her destination, she paid and left. I am like good last stop of the night let me stop at the 7 eleven and get me a soda, to calm my nerves.

When I pulled up I knew something wasn't right with the situation, but I ignored my gut and went in anyway. Everyone had left the store except these two young guys, so as I walk up to the counter, he says I forgot something. I pay for my drink and then leave the store. By the time I get in the car started it and opened the soda, I look up and I all I see is teeth, the boys came running out the store with all this stuff, the chips were falling out of the bag flying everywhere their pants were falling they were bumping into each other, it was rather comical even the cashier who came to the door was laughing as he asked me which way did they run.

I should have went home two hours prior, sick of this shit!

Monday, June 21, 2010


I was sitting at the station, the train just left and I was the only cab there. Sometimes if I am working the radio I will sit there because it is well lit, anyway this was the weekend and the last train leaves at 3 am. I see a man come down from the top of the train station and say something to the station manager. So he walks over to my cab and gets in, I ask where he is going he says "to Philadelphia", I wanted to giggle because he sounded just like the pedophile from family guy. I said "I am not going to Philadelphia, you need to find another way". He says "The guy in the booth said you would take me". I said, " I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT HE SAYS I AM NOT GOING TO PHILADELPHIA." So he sits there, cause I guess he is not getting out and I am not moving, mind you he smells like urine, (took a while for the smell to seep up and my nose is no good).

So the station manager who is a nice guy and retiring soon comes out he has called the police and says "I just knew he would do this" he apologized and opened my back door and starts to yell at the guy, he is still protesting with that pedophile voice. When he sees the police he finally gets out. The the look of hatred in his eyes towards me was like the chicken on Family Guy, you know the one that Peter always fights. Could this be my nemesis?

The Stalker

I was sitting at the metro station and a guy walks up from the parking lot, not from the train station, he asked me was I working I said "yea", I asked him where he was he was going, he said he didn't know the address he just knew how to get there.

Before we pulled up the cab driver in front of me caught a fare from the train station, so there was a woman in the back of his car and the guy who just got in my car, so the driver jumps out and walks over to the cab and says "do you have change?" I said "no I just came out" he continues on and says" I haven't seen you out here before, how long have you been driving?" REALLY NOW HE CHOOSES TO ASK THIS? I mean you have a customer, I have a customer, and yo ass needs change and you want to strike up a conversation now, I said "about 6 months, but I have to go."

So I ask my passenger which way so he tells me, so we start on our way. I have my windows down and the shield so I can barely here him, so I said you have to speak up. So he is giving me directions and he really doesn't know where he is going, he is like no I am sorry ma'am, back up and go this way, then he makes these outbursts like are you alright, are you okay? I say "yea are you alright are you okay"? So he asks "can I smoke in your car," I respond "yea, I don't care", he said "is that a yes or no", I say "YES you can smoke", so I ride all around this neighborhood looking for his drop off point and finally he says "okay can we go back to the main road?" I say "okay", he said" if I don't find what I am looking for can you take me over to Capital Heights do I need to pay you up front?" I said "I would feel more comfortable if you pay upfront".

So we ride back around Kentland so I ask, "Can I ask what you are looking for?" He said yea," my babymuva and my kids", I am like FUCK (in my mind stalker situation), I said "please don't beat her in front of me", he didn't respond. We pull into the complex, he said "slow down, so I can see if I see her car". He says stop right here, he pays me the full amount plus the tip and gets out the car.

As I drove away I heard him yelling at the building to the top of his lungs! Again this was my first fare of the night. The night ended, with me riding by the McDonald's and this crazy man squatted in front of it, yelling BITCH DON'T TOUCH ME.....SHUT UP WHORE! Of course no one was around.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Ties That Bind

Wasn't too many cabs out last night, so I was a little busy, didn't have to sit at the train as much as I have been lately. When I made my drop off and started to go back to the station, I picked up a couple walking (man and woman), the appeared normal enough.

I asked where they were going and proceeded to take them. The guy gets up close to the window and starts asking me am I married, I say "yes", he is sitting sideways looking at me up close to the glass, but he was doing a lot of moving, like he was digging for something or doing something, but I couldn't figure what. So he says "do you and who husband like freaky sex?" I told him it was none of his business and he needed to sit back.

He scooted back some but continued to ask questions, "what is your favorite position", "how often do you guys have sex" "what times of the day". So I ask, "is this for the census?" He laughed and since I didn't respond, he started telling about their sex life. The entire time the girl hasn't said a word, she is just sitting back there. He told me all their favorite positions what they do with candles even before the start to burn them (that broke me by the way...cause you know he is sticking them in her nasty coochie), he was like we are into all the freaky shit and laughed hard and too long (like the count on sesame street 1....2... hahahaha..remember).

We finally pull up and I tell him the fee he pays it and gets out. She didn't open her door, which was weird your fee has been paid get the fuck out. He opens her door for her and she steps out. I put my car in reverse and prepare to pull off and I look over and her wrists are tied together with these leather straps....and he gives me a look like Brad Pitt in that movie Kalifornia. He lifts her dress and she has no underware on (ughhhh in the back of a cab really?!) and he pulls out one of those small leather whips from her purse and starts to spank her with it.

The night was weird anyway, it ended with a guy who saw me earlier at the liquor store who nicknamed me Pinky because of my lips, screaming up the sidewalk PINKY...PINKAY...PINKAY, as I pulled off into the darkness.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Beat Down

I saw my first live police beat down last night. I was picking up one of my regulars, this particular one has baby momma drama. His girlfriend who is about 7 years older than he he is in his mid 30's she has other children with weird age gaps doesn't work full time and he hates her son. But anyway she got pregnant immediately with his child and now wants to get married, (this being her second marriage, 3rd or 4th child few different baby daddy's). Anyway now after the kid is here blah blah blah she wants to do the right thing (smell setup a mile away) and get married. He has a good job either way she will get good child support.

Anyway I was taking him to work, and telling him the effects marriage has on your health, as I crossed over the light this police car came flying down my side of the road the wrong way and there was another car on the correct side of the road, going toward the scene. They cut off the road immediately (but still enough for me to move past). Of course I slowed down to see what the hell is going on, (since they were being so dramatic), and there is already one fat police man on top of the perpetrator dry-humping him and smashing his face in the ground, he wasn't moving not sure if he was already unconscious, got there too late for all of that. The two officers that just pulled around jumped out and start kicking and beating him and two others show up and just hold the flashlights on them. They all had the police car lights (the light of the side of the car) focused on the situation forming a giant spotlight like it was a show.

They were beating the shit out of him, but now that I think back with the dry-humper and the spotlights, I think this was a possible gang rape about to occur. Anyway I had to keep moving didn't see if any penetration occurred or not.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Backseat

Okay, I have been driving this cab for a while now and after all the things I have seen and heard, I have to say that taxi cab confessions is real. I mean I really thought the show was fake, it is not.

I pick up a this guy and we go pick up which I guess he is girlfriend for a date, I drop them to the movie theater. My last call for the night ends up being these two. Now the guy from the start wasn't the most articulate fellow, when I asked where I was going when I first picked him up he didn't know, he gave me the wrong street (he remembered once we got close). Anyway this particular night my husband was riding with me and it was late so his ADD was starting to kick up, so he started touching shit in the car. When I am driving I live to have my full attention on what is going on around me.

So I hear soft whispers in the back seat and I see the guy lean over and they start kissing uggghh (personally I hate public displays of affection--especially this close). So they are all over each other, so I pull up to his home and yell "we are here" he gets out and they don't say goodbye. I drop her to her destination and she pays and gets out.

My husband says to me, "she had a smell.... like pussy did you smell it?" I say no you know my nose is no good (he has a nose like a damn Anteater)he wasn't paying the couple any attention cause he was fidgeting with the radio, I said "they were all over each other, you didn't see" he said no "I was messing with the radio." We paused and looked at other and he saw the disgust on the my face, I asked "could it be?"

The kissing.....the smell......my backseat?! (were his hands down there)?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Party

Okay I have to say I brought this one on myself for being nosey, so I can blame no one. I picked up a group of women that were coming from a bachelorette party and they were talking and getting all excited in retrospect, I guess that they were making comparisons. They were all focused on the cellphone and then talkin about the stripper, so when I asked what was so interesting (again I say it is my fault). She reaches through the glass and shows me her phone.

It was a picture of her boyfriend standing their smiling with is erect penis (yes he posed proudly for the picture). Anyway they were making the comparisons to her boyfriend the stripper. Now this is sad, but I have friends that have emailed their vagina's to each other to see who had the prettiest, so the picture isn't what disturbed me. It was how he posed for the picture butt naked with that smile (I really wish I had a copy to post).

These things can not be normal. If I wasn't so ashamed of my life experiences I would have a camera just follow me around and document it, so others could endure it with me.

The Snitch and the CockRoach

Okay, I don't know how we got on this conversation, but the snitch added a window unit (small air conditioner) to his apartment. He comes out of the kitchen and there on the wall is a huge cockroach. So I joked that he probably needed five dollars to get some lunch, so he went with that for a bit; but then he started to tell me how he tried to kill the roach.

Now I hate killing certain bugs, roaches being one because you have to feel the crunch and you go through a range of physical emotions afterwards. The snitch didn't say why he made this choice, but for me it seemed worse. To rid his home of the vile beast he chose to to fill up a cup with bleach and throw it on the roach.

Bleach is funky and in a small spaces it is loud, I don't understand. When he wakes up the next day the roach had made his way to the kitchen sink; instead of washing it down the sink since it was already weak and dying, he fills up another cup and throws it on the roach.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Snitch

I told you before how the drivers are getting more comfortable with me, so they are starting to talk to me more often. This one is a black man who grew up in DC and he has the young man syndrome, and he knows everything, he really isn't listening to your questions or your answers, he just likes to talk. He has a long line of cabbies in his family and this is what he has been doing forever. We will call him "Young Man" for this entry.

So this night he started to tell me about our old dispatch that recently got fired. For this entry I will call her Cindy. The first day I started Cindy didn't hesitate to ask for $8.00 dollars (come on 8 dollars.. screams junky) and to drive her to get her blood pressure pill (if there was a camera I would have looked directly into it, with a "come on" look). She got me a few times, but I put an end to that, if I drive you, you need to pay me. She made sure she took care of you by like sending you calls directly to your cellphone (which you are not suppose to do), but she was no good at it. She thought she was hooking you up by sending you someone who was going to the damn airport; the thing about that is you miss about 10 calls which can save you more gas cause they are close and make you more money than that one call.

Any way he was telling me that she wasn't just a junky, she was pimpin who'in, doing and selling drugs, right out of the office, this is before they got cameras in the office. He said that is the main reason why they got them to catch her, they new something was up, but not sure what it was. Young Man said he went up there one time for something and she had someone hiding under the desk. I said "under the desk for what were they eating her pussy", he "paused and frowned and said no one wants any Cindy pussy", I laughed really hard. He said the thing about it was Cindy would try and get you caught up into her mess, she was doing all these side deals where she was trying to get the drivers to run drugs for the dealers, when one of them got murdered cause he didnt' want to do it anymore, that is when he got mad.

He said he got so mad he started snitchin (I giggled, cause you had to hear the inflection). He started telling on all the shit she was doing. Now I am learning this whole industry is just shady and seedy, but I have to admit, some of this shit is funny, so his telling of course nothing was going to happen. He confronted Cindy when one of his passengers asked him to run a package up to Cindy, he was saying "it is one thing when she does her shit but she tries to get others involved, I just want my nice clean money" (yea cabbing is clean, feel all dirty and beat up at the end of the night), so he tells the guy to take it himself and he cusses Cindy out.

He says the next day I was followed from Landover all the way to College Park metro where this guy jumped out started threatening him, needless to say he made up with Cindy." We both laughed at that. Cindy was able to do all the stuff she was doing even with the cameras in the office. She just got fired recently maybe 2 months ago. All the stuff she was doing she got caught on camera giving out a call on her cellphone, instead of putting it out over the air.

She has to be mad... all the things she was doing and she was brought down for that one mistake, that's like Al Capone going down for tax evasion.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Stripper

I ride woman all the time that complain about the other cab drivers staring at them and trying to pick them up, they hate it, so they like it when they ride with a woman, just pay me I don't want to look or talk to you (damn I sound like a professional whore), but I digress, this had to be a weekend because it was day time a girl came to the cab and wanted to a ride from Landover Station to Union Station, now I don't judge my passengers cause I really don't care, but I assumed she was a dancer because she had the little pull bag, she was willing to pay at least $30-$40 to ride a the cab to the station instead of getting on the train and paying $3.00.

I tell her the train would be cheaper and she said money is not an issue she has a show to do and she was running late and later during the ride she confirmed verbally that she was a stripper. So I say "okay get in", while we are on the way she starts to change her clothes and tells me she is glad I am a women cause the men like to stare while she changes her clothes. This is a pretty clean trip standard almost, until she puts her ass on the glass shield between the front seat and the back, I would have been annoyed with this anyway because I can't see out the back and I don't want to see your ass, but I was pissed this time because the glass was open and my head was there and she had not damn draws on, when I saw that from my peripheral, I almost crashed the damn car trying to cover my face and roll down the windows, I can't....!

I got her to her destination quick, she tipped me well for my discomfort.

The Tap Dancer

Why did I pull into the station and a person, was tap dancing on top of the bench? It was like he waited for me, I mean this couldn't have happened one minute before I showed up. I drive up he jumps up there and and breaks into dance, for about 30 secs and gets down and sits there until his ride shows up.


The Invitation

Okay, I must have blocked this guy out, I didn't remember him until the pick-up request came out over the radio last night. Most of the cab drivers won't go over in Seat Pleasant, but I grew up there so I do pick up over in that area, it is not that bad. Anyway I picked this guy up several times from the dirty Jerry's (a carryout), he is an old young man, one of those men who are too old to be dressing like these young folks today, still trying to hold on, (like LL Cool J, but he does still have it).

Anyway he was always nice talked BS, but would always ask for my number even though I was married he wanted to be friends (uh huh), makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to hear this every time I give him a ride. When I pick him up he usually has some drink in him so I think he has a little buzz, so this particular night, I drop him off and he tells me that he really likes me and wants me to call him, so he pays and gets out the car. So he asks me to hold up a minute, and walks around the car and leans in and says, "I won't hurt you", so I ask he to back the fuck then, I don't like anyone to get too close of course. So he says I need you to come up to my apartment for just a minute, I say "no" so he gets a little louder and says "it will be just a minute", I hear the crazy coming out, but the way the apartment complex is setup, there is only one way in and one way out and this car is sitting their blocking my exit getting their kids and stuff out of the car.

So now he is talking and I am tuning him out because I have to find my mace and see if I have to run these people and their kids over to get out of this complex. So he says "Do you hear me?" he can see I am not paying attention to him, so he starts jumping up and down and screaming "I NEED YOU TO COME UP TO THE APARTMENT FOR A MINUTE JUST A MINUTE", I am like oh man this is about to get ugly, because I am about to hit this car in front of me, but it backs out quickly and I hit the gas and get the hell out of there. He is still jumping up and down yelling when I looked in my rear view mirror (mind you this man is about 55-60).

I wonder how many cab drivers Dahmer has up there?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Proposition

One of my favorite passengers, for this entry I will call him John, he is such a good passenger, I know when I pick him up I am going to make between $30-$100 bucks for the night, (he always tips like $20.00). He is this Hispanic guy and he doesn't speak great English, but he teaches me Spanish here and there and vice versa. He is around 22, single and goes out at first every weekend, now probably every other weekend.

He normally just lays in the back seat and tells me how much he loves me, by screaming my name and telling me that he loves me!, One time he put his friend on the phone and he told me he was going to kill me WTF, anyway I digress, this particular night, I picked him up from a club as usual (normally drop off and pick up).

On the way back to his apartment, he tells me that he wants to be with me tonight, so of course I think that he means something like he is glad I picked him up, but he goes on to clarify that he has money and he would pay to be with me. So I respond "what, John I just picked you up from the club, you could have gotten any woman at the club to come home with you, especially if you paid her, why didn't you?" he responded "I want to be with you tonight, I will pay you, I would like 2 hours with you. At first he offers $200.00, so of course I tell him he is drunk and needs to go in and sleep it off, then we pull up and he offers more.

The following are reasons are of course is why I was disgusted.

1. For this body (really...what)
2. What the in the hell do you want to do for 2 hours, hell when I was a young woman I would have that question.
3. For this body really (some things need to be questioned more than once).

So I park and tell him the amount he owes me, so starts pulling out money. "I will pay you" he says singing a little tune, like he trying to entice me, so he puts $200.00 on the window seal, so" I tell him to go head and sleep it off" (meaning the alcohol), and asks him to give me the money for the trip; he lays out another $100.00, I say John, please just get out. He lays out another $100.00, (which now means we are up to $400.00). I tell him I have to get going, he lays out another $100.00, okay at that point I paused mid-speech it was $500.00 laid in front of me. For the record, the pause was only 10 seconds, but I hesitated, DAMMIT (look I had bills to pay that Monday). Anyway, he finally got out of the car and told me he would call me next weekend (so I didn't take the money).

He called five minutes after I left and said.. I need to be with you tonight, I told him to sober up and call me when he needs a ride.

Someone save me..... this can not be my life!