Pheromones

I think someone must have sprayed experimental pheromones on me Saturday night, because it was just too much. The first guy I picked up, was nice and we chatted back and forth and I flirted a little bit, was feelin good, wasn't broken yet. We get to his house and his trip is $8.00, he gave me $28.00. So I look at the money and say "you gave me $28.00 instead of $8.00" and he says "I know, I wanted to know if you would masturbate for me". I know I should be offended about this request, but I am more offended about the amount he offered. I mean a crackhead would request more! I gave him his $20.00 back and told him to have a nice day.

Later on in the evening, I stopped to get gas and there was no one there a bit erie of course when I pull up another car does as well. The attendant was doing something so I had to wait a few seconds for him to get to the window. By this time the guy in the other car had was already behind me. I put my money in the tray and was tellin the cashier which pump and at the same time the man behind me leaned and sniffed my neck. I mean not a sutle whiff around me, I felt his moustache on my neck and freaked me out. Since when do people get close enough to bite you and then smell you, is this new?! I asked "what the hell is wrong with you" and and brushed it off and said "You smell good", so I told him "to back up before I maced his ass" he told me to calm down, that he meant no harm" (now who uses that phrase, I mean you no harm, that is shady in itself). See I normally like it when someone says I smell good and asks what am I wearing, because my classic line is to say I farted because I think that is funny, but this crossed the line. Is this man walkin around smelling people, a nose whore?

After that I probably should have went home, but I told one of my passengers I would pick him up at 2:30 where I dropped him off. So he is normally a really nice guy, the best tipper, but this night he was drunk and he is Hispanic so he doesn't speak a whole lot of English. He kept telling me that I was just like him, our skin is alike, I said that may be, but "mami is el negro", he said no no, but I didn't fight it, I will be whatever he wants me to be for the trip(yes cabbing is like whoring, but you make less). So I got him home and was talking and talkin he paid me and gave me extra for looking so beautiful this night. I know he was drunk as hell cause I looked tore up, (I need to get my eyebrows done, I look like Burt from Burt and Ernie). He sat back there, I was done for the night and rambled some wild shit in Spanish, but then it got scary his voice changed like he was putting a curse on me, so I looked in the back and he was yelling, so I called him and he snapped out of it. So he was quiet for a sec and I said "okay, good night, see you later". His little ass laid out in the seat and started screaming that he loved me just constantly for like 15 more minutes, I told him he was on my time and it was time to go or pay me to stay. He said "name your price I will give you anything".

I told him to get out, after that, he said I will not without a kiss, I want the kiss, I said in my threatening voice to get the fuck out. I gave him one more minute and said "okay", I pulled off and he opened the door and sort of fell out, I slowed up to make sure I didn't roll over his drunk ass and kept going. Why was he blowing my phone up during the Superbowl, can you believe that shit?

Whoever sprayed me with the pheromones, if you were experimenting and you are out there and reading this.....they work. Curse you Mojo Jojo.