Friday, December 24, 2010

A Gentleman

So I was on the phone with my white friend and I took a call over the radio, but I needed gas. I pull into the gas station and I see another cab at the pump but he looks hesitant, (he started to put the gas handle back and stopped and put it to his car, then stopped again and put it in his tank). I thought that was strange, so I pull up, so I see why he was so hesitant. The car door was open on a caravan across from the pumps, and this man was pullin someone, so I say to my friend, I think he is tryin to throw this girl out the car, but then he starts to punchin, so I pull up some, it wasn't a girl he was whippin this mans ass, so I pull off.

I told my friend that it was a man gettin his ass whipped not a woman gettin put out of the car. He sounded confused, so I tell him that when a ghetto mofo gets mad at you he will throw yo ass out the car physically, but a gentleman will ask you to go into the store and get him something and pull off and leave you. He said "what! that is what you call a gentleman" I had to laugh when I realized how stupid I sounded, but I know what I meant, it is fucked up either way.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Lesbian Brawl

So I pick up this guy from an apartment and I can tell by the way he looks, that he is going to flirt. So he gets in and is like, “well this is a treat a woman driver.” I said "O I thought you were going to say an American" and laughed and he said, “well I thought you would have an accent, but you don't so that is good too.” So he starts right into his story..” Man I met this girl at the gym and she seemed to be feelin me, she told me she was gay, but I was like fuck it, when she invited me over. I go over there and she is like you want to watch me and my girlfriend have sex.” He was like “hell no, I don’t want to watch, I want to be a part of that shit!” so he and I laughed and he continued, “so she felt my dick and saw what I was workin with, so then the man one comes home.” I said, “the butch one?” and he said, “yea that is what she is called the butch one. “

He said, “she started flirtin with me harder then so did the female one, the female went outside and the butch one wanted to see my dick too, by the time the female came in the house the butch one was pullin up her pants, she was showin me her ass.” He said "actually the butch was was badder than the female one, she just wore boy clothes. So apparently the night before a female condom was found on the floor by the butch one so they were already having some issues. The female said something to the butch, all I know is that butch one smooched the female and they got to wreckin in the house".

So I said you should have stopped everything and been like "whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies, I will fuck both of yall! No need to fight, I mean both of ya'll can suck my dick, everybody calm down, there's enough of big daddy to go around". So he fell out laughin and said “you damn right, I should have said that, I am backed up too, shiiiiiiiit". So I laughed. He left me $20.00 on a $7.00 dollar ride.

The Scared Ones

FedEx fields is not in the best area of Prince Georges County and depending on which way you exit, you are right smack in the wrong place. This is where I sit and wait for my prey. They think they are going toward the metro, but are completely turned around. I picked up a young white couple to take them back to their hotel. The way you come out of this area, you have to ride through the ghetto to get to certain parts to avoid the traffic.

I told them I was going to take a back way to get them to their hotel so we wouldn't get caught in traffic. They hadn't said a peep, man I glanced in the the back, they were frightened to death, the woman asked me could I lock the doors so I did, they were clutchin each other, like they were the only white people in the middle of SouthEast. Then they said "why are you taking us this way", I said "to avoid traffic", then I got cute and asked them did they want to get out and get another cab (I laughed so hard inside). What losers!

The Skins Fan

After the redskins game, I picked up to white guys (I know I vowed before not to do it), but money is tight. The guy got into the back of my car, they wanted me to take them to the metro. I asked who won the game, he said the other team, I can't remember who they were playing. So he started punchin the back of my seat like a punchin bag, and screaming...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I CAN'T BELEIVE THEY LOST. This lasted for about 1 minute until the guy he was with was like calm down man damn. They talked for a bit and then got in a fight about money. We arrived at the station and the sane guy paid me and got out and closed the door on the other guy (the one punchin the seat) “…looked at me and said, “ this was your fault, you got to the station too soon” in a weird calm voice. So I looked in the rear view mirror and he said, "how much did he give you"? with a slur, and I said, "$10. 00", he stared at me for 10 seconds and then got out of the car!