Long Leg Lola

So I pick up a lady at the metro station. When she got in the first thing she said was, "Wow women driving cabs now". I said "women got bills to", so she laughed and just started rambling, she said "you know there is a place where you don't have bills, and you can be with your family, you don' t have work or worry about money", so I interjected and said "is this place virtual". she was like "no it is called heaven".... first thought bible thumper. So I said "I see, you have to be dead to get there". So she rambled on and on about church, and then said can you take me to the gas station so I can get some cream soda. I said "sure".

Here is where things get strange. I pull up to the gas station, mind you I never got a good look at her. She said "I am leaving my stuff in the back, don't leave me, I don't want to walk, there are some crazies around here". I am sitting there waiting, and all of a sudden this lady pushes the the gas station door all rough and is moving swiftly in my direction, I am like WTF, she had a nappy bush pushed up (not picked), thick bifocals, and a long black trench coat that was bubbled up like the Michelin Man, she opened the door all hard, I thought she robbed the place, so I looked back all quick and said everything okay, and she said, "O yea, I got what I came for" (she stole that shit).

So I start off to her house and some how the conversation gets on pedophiles and you don't know who's doing what and telling me about her five children, (now I swear it was not me that lead her to this conversation, cause everyone that knows me, knows I think everybody is a pedophile or rapist, but this time it wasn't me). So we pull into the apartment complex and she hands me the Jehovah's witness literature, and paid me, then she opens the door steps out and says "they call me Long Leg Lola" in a sensual voice (with that hair and glasses). So I looked at her with a confused face and said okay (I am like why the hell is she telling me this), have a nice night and she closes the door..... I think she might have been a whore.

Random Facts

A man got in my car tonight, after he told me where he wanted to go he let me know that a womans mouth is the same as her vagnial lips, I just said "o yea", that was it there was no other conversation. I dropped him off and he paid me.

The Translation

It was slow last night, and a foreign guy (Hispanic looking) gets into the car. He has his address written down, I take him to the street and he says something under his breath, so I thought he was asking how much, so my dumb ass says "$8.00". she says it again, I repeat "$8.00" again, so he looks at me and nods and I look at him and nod, so he says it louder, and finally understood what he was saying, he was saying suck dick... suck dick. So then the confusion for me was does he think I am sucking his dick for $8.00 or do I know where he can get his dick sucked.

So I say "no suck dick", and did my arms in a driving fashion (the drive) and said $8.00. He said okay and gave me $10.00 and got out of the car. So I guess he was asking me to suck his dick, since he left with no further clarification.

I am burned out doing this shit. The hatred is at an all time high.

The Tussle

I was at the metro on the phone with my white friend, I look up and and see this guy and girl fightin like shit. So they must have been fighting for a minute because they both look winded. He starts to choke her! One of the cars started to honk the horn, but that is it. My white friend was like "what the fuck call the police!" and you were like "I ain't getting involved, there are other people out here including the station manager, it was right in front of the station; and no one else was doing anything" There was a guy driving the car and also a guy in the backseat, the guy gets out the back of the car and says something, and the guy choking the girl, stuffs her in the car and they pull off.

What was that (I farted), no really what was that?

The Toss

It was as Sunday and slow, but it was a home game night at FedEx Fields, so I was really waiting for the game to end to make the money for that night. I was coming back from a drop in DC and as usual I swung around to Cheverly metro to catch some stragglers. A guy walked up and asks if I am working, I tell him yes and he gets in. He said "I need to go multiple places if that is okay, so we gonna take a ride". I said "okay", he gave me $60.00 up front. He said money isn't an issue tonight, he just came into some good fortune.

So he was nice, talkin about his relationship I was giving him advice as I usually do. So the strangeness starts to come out, so he asks me if he could use my cellphone cause he doesn't have one. I let him use it, so we are ridin on 295 and he points to the trees and says I am going to go cop some of these". I say o yea, he said "You know what I mean". I said "no and I don't want to know". so I drop him off wait a minute and he gets back in, he says can you take me to the liquor store. So while we are in line, there is a helicopter in the air, mind you there is a game at FedEx fields, which I assume the helicopter was watchin. But he says that helicopter has been following us. I said I don't think so it is not close enough and this is not GoodFellas, you need to live yo life right, so he starts to laugh, as we pull out of the liquor store, he asks if I could roll down his window (I control all of the windows). I said "okay" this nigga threw his cellphone out of the window.

#1 where did you get a cellphone he told me he didn't have one and
#2 why the hell did you through it out of the window.

The helicopter was too close, so now he needed to get a new phone, so we went to like 3 Lowest Price gas stations to see if they had any of those quick phones. At the second gas station we went to he started to pick up a prostitute but changed his mind. He gave her the opener and she said why don't you give me a ride? He paused and then said, you have to ask her and pointed at me. (WTF?), she just kept walkin, so he closed the door and proceeded to say that the lord saved him from her (I can't). So he just kept talkin about the damn helicopter, so we get him a phone I take him to Popeyes and then to his house.

The sad thing is by the end of the ride, I think that helicopter was following us. I didn't see it anymore after I dropped him. So he was like, "I like you do you have any cards". I said "naw, none on me", he "said don't worry I will get your number from my man I called earlier"....

"THAT BITCH SET ME UP" (Marion Barry).

The Hat

A man walked through the metro parking lot with this hat on last night, except it was black with a white feather.

Pearls of Wisdom

As a child people always ask, what do you want to be when you grow up. You get moderate exposure to different things and you lie to people so they will shut up and leave you alone, cause you really don't know and don't care until one day you see it/hear and all the clouds just part and the sun shines upon you. Well that is what happened to me when I saw a madam on TV. A pimp, seemed to be my calling, this was the perfect profession. The "middle man" I am the perfect middle man and I all have to do is arrange the date and collect the money, until I found out you had to be a whore first, it crushed my dreams...it really did.

So here I am under the seedy lights driving this cab, seems that I ended up whoring myself anyway. I had to give a bit of background because the passenger I picked up left a little light in my heart for a dream that died long ago.

The moon was high and bright this night and as I bent the corner a slight glint hit the cab, it was a nice night. As I was driving back to the station, I was being flagged down. I picked up a guy, he asked me to take him down town. He kept talking which I didn't feel like hearing because I was enjoying the weather, but I started to tune into his conversation. I don't even know what he was talkin about prior to me hearing this piece of information because I was just nodding my head. I heard him say, "my uncle is a pimp". I said "really when I was young I wanted to be a madam until I found out that you had to be a whore first." He told me that a lot of those madams are still under pimps, damn I had no idea that there was a hierarchy.

So I asked him do the pimps fuck all of their whoes? He told me there are two types of pimps. The ones that beat and fuck all their woman and the other types that turn the woman out; meaning before they make them a whoe they do everything imaginable to them to prep them for the game, they become addicted to the sex they want to be whoes. So once they come into the game he doesn't just have sex with them. I cut him off and said "oh they have to be up there to fuck big daddy huh", he thought that was so funny, but yea that is exactly right.

Man if I didn't have to be a whore I would have made a great pimp! But instead I am getting pimped Oh Well c'est la vie! I thought I would share these pearls of wisdom.

(and yes I do cry myself to sleep at night! I know you were thinking it).