The Drink

When you are in your 30's there are certain liberties that you should be able to take without worrying about what your parents think of you. I pick up this guy and like many of my passengers he wants to go the liquor store before he goes in the house. I take him and he gets several hard liquors. He has a nice suit on and is telling all about his job good job on Capital Hill.

He talks a bit about his woman problems and we bullshit a bit more. He gets his drink and his cellphone rings. I can only hear from his end...all I hear is "well I didn't see, so I caught a cab", he keeps tryin to get a word in but is cut off each time by the person on the other end. He says "can you just take me to the Checkers right here she will be along to pick me up, I will pay you for your time?" I say "okay." I am thinking his girlfriend is being bitchy, cause he is like "she gets on my muthafucking nerves, I can not have any private time".

We pull in and I pull over while we wait he pulls out his bottles and sodas and starts mixing drinks, he asks me do I want one, I tell him nah, I am driving. He says I know you want one I am going to mix you a drink anyway. So a car pulls in and he screams to the top of his lungs, OH MY GOD SHE IS HERE...SHIT! All this commotion ensues in the back of the car I am like what the hell, so he pays me and starts to whisper hide this. In my mind I am like this Son of a Bitch has drugs on... the man is comin to get me! Why did he give me the bottles he just bought, and say I am not suppose to be drinking and jump out and say sorry momma I am comin.. running with his arms flailing like a small child.

What did I just witness?

The Night Was Sultry

Here lately the weather has been humid and I don't cut the air on in the cab because it burns too much gas. This night, I was about to go home but decided to pick up another call. It wasn't too many drivers out so I decided to go ahead and make some money. I picked the call up and he wanted to go to Addison Road station, so I dropped him there. I never sit at this station, but since I was there I was going to see if there was any money flowing.

A guy gets in my car and he looked startled at first probably because I was a woman or he could have thought I was ugly, who knows. He asks can I take him to eastern avenue, so I say okay, do you have an address, he said no, but I know how to get there (this is actually a common response). So we go up one side of Eastern Avenue and he says can you drive back down. In my mind I am like DAMN this is a prostitute situation, but the thing about Eastern Avenue is that they are all transvestites the men have run off all the woman even the crack whores.

So he says slow down, I know this person and asks me to roll down his window. Before I go any further this man looked like Conan the barbarian (the trick/prostitute not the passenger), I mean there was nothing feminine about him. There are feminine shemales out there that you can't tell are men until they speak, but this one, I mean had nothin girly about him except his clothes. So it tells my passenger the price will be $75.00, it gets in. Because I have a bullet proof sheild up it is tight for a big tall person in the back, so its says, ooo it is tight back here, (words you don't want to hear from male prostitute dressed like a woman). So my passenger begins to unzip and it starts to bend to suck his dick. My eyes got big....OH HELL NO YA'LL CAN'T DO THAT IN MY CAR. So it tells me it will pay me, I don't care about the money it is about the clean up and my mental health. So it gets a little persnickety, and is like "it will only take 5 minutes, if you just drive." Okay now I am in a quandary because:

1. This is still a man and it could whip my ass.
2. If we get into an argument some spittle can get on my face and possibly my lip and I will freak out. I already had to through my Arby's drink out when it got in because it's essence might have seeped in. I am sorry if I am being stank (because I do drive a cab and I can't judge), but it is one thing to think that everyone that gets in your cab is a dick sucking whore, but to have a confirmed dick sucking transvestite riding, it is too much mentally.

So I say "you have to find some place else". So they tell me to drive over to these apartments and while we are riding it is like "you want me daddy" and the passenger was smiling, so I turn up my radio and try and curb my nausea by rolling down the window but there was nothing but stale humid air, there was no escape from this hell.. anyway they have me pull up in these apartments and they get out and ask me will I wait (Of course, I will wait I want my money) I said "yes"I just let them know I was keeping the meter running, so I am thinking this is going to be a good 10 minutes extra....do you they were done in less then five, I guess that strong jaw was working it out, sorry anyway, they get in I drop it back to its stroll it tells the passenger to come back again so I drop him back to the station get my money I am like good, this is too much, I am done, for the night.

Why did this other cab come barreling around the corner and runs all up on the curb, this girl jumps out and closes his door so hard it almost breaks it and says miss can you give me a ride. I tell her okay, where are you going she tells me Suitland Road, I say okay. She tells me that he wanted money up front and she didn't want to give it to him and she was glad I was there. From what I understand some drivers ask for money up front and don't give back the change sometimes. She rattled on for a while and told me how thankful she was blah blah blah, so I got her to her destination, she paid and left. I am like good last stop of the night let me stop at the 7 eleven and get me a soda, to calm my nerves.

When I pulled up I knew something wasn't right with the situation, but I ignored my gut and went in anyway. Everyone had left the store except these two young guys, so as I walk up to the counter, he says I forgot something. I pay for my drink and then leave the store. By the time I get in the car started it and opened the soda, I look up and I all I see is teeth, the boys came running out the store with all this stuff, the chips were falling out of the bag flying everywhere their pants were falling they were bumping into each other, it was rather comical even the cashier who came to the door was laughing as he asked me which way did they run.

I should have went home two hours prior, sick of this shit!

Philadelphia

I was sitting at the station, the train just left and I was the only cab there. Sometimes if I am working the radio I will sit there because it is well lit, anyway this was the weekend and the last train leaves at 3 am. I see a man come down from the top of the train station and say something to the station manager. So he walks over to my cab and gets in, I ask where he is going he says "to Philadelphia", I wanted to giggle because he sounded just like the pedophile from family guy. I said "I am not going to Philadelphia, you need to find another way". He says "The guy in the booth said you would take me". I said, " I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT HE SAYS I AM NOT GOING TO PHILADELPHIA." So he sits there, cause I guess he is not getting out and I am not moving, mind you he smells like urine, (took a while for the smell to seep up and my nose is no good).

So the station manager who is a nice guy and retiring soon comes out he has called the police and says "I just knew he would do this" he apologized and opened my back door and starts to yell at the guy, he is still protesting with that pedophile voice. When he sees the police he finally gets out. The the look of hatred in his eyes towards me was like the chicken on Family Guy, you know the one that Peter always fights. Could this be my nemesis?

The Stalker

I was sitting at the metro station and a guy walks up from the parking lot, not from the train station, he asked me was I working I said "yea", I asked him where he was he was going, he said he didn't know the address he just knew how to get there.

Before we pulled up the cab driver in front of me caught a fare from the train station, so there was a woman in the back of his car and the guy who just got in my car, so the driver jumps out and walks over to the cab and says "do you have change?" I said "no I just came out" he continues on and says" I haven't seen you out here before, how long have you been driving?" REALLY NOW HE CHOOSES TO ASK THIS? I mean you have a customer, I have a customer, and yo ass needs change and you want to strike up a conversation now, I said "about 6 months, but I have to go."

So I ask my passenger which way so he tells me, so we start on our way. I have my windows down and the shield so I can barely here him, so I said you have to speak up. So he is giving me directions and he really doesn't know where he is going, he is like no I am sorry ma'am, back up and go this way, then he makes these outbursts like are you alright, are you okay? I say "yea are you alright are you okay"? So he asks "can I smoke in your car," I respond "yea, I don't care", he said "is that a yes or no", I say "YES you can smoke", so I ride all around this neighborhood looking for his drop off point and finally he says "okay can we go back to the main road?" I say "okay", he said" if I don't find what I am looking for can you take me over to Capital Heights do I need to pay you up front?" I said "I would feel more comfortable if you pay upfront".

So we ride back around Kentland so I ask, "Can I ask what you are looking for?" He said yea," my babymuva and my kids", I am like FUCK (in my mind stalker situation), I said "please don't beat her in front of me", he didn't respond. We pull into the complex, he said "slow down, so I can see if I see her car". He says stop right here, he pays me the full amount plus the tip and gets out the car.

As I drove away I heard him yelling at the building to the top of his lungs! Again this was my first fare of the night. The night ended, with me riding by the McDonald's and this crazy man squatted in front of it, yelling BITCH DON'T TOUCH ME.....SHUT UP WHORE! Of course no one was around.

The Ties That Bind

Wasn't too many cabs out last night, so I was a little busy, didn't have to sit at the train as much as I have been lately. When I made my drop off and started to go back to the station, I picked up a couple walking (man and woman), the appeared normal enough.

I asked where they were going and proceeded to take them. The guy gets up close to the window and starts asking me am I married, I say "yes", he is sitting sideways looking at me up close to the glass, but he was doing a lot of moving, like he was digging for something or doing something, but I couldn't figure what. So he says "do you and who husband like freaky sex?" I told him it was none of his business and he needed to sit back.

He scooted back some but continued to ask questions, "what is your favorite position", "how often do you guys have sex" "what times of the day". So I ask, "is this for the census?" He laughed and since I didn't respond, he started telling about their sex life. The entire time the girl hasn't said a word, she is just sitting back there. He told me all their favorite positions what they do with candles even before the start to burn them (that broke me by the way...cause you know he is sticking them in her nasty coochie), he was like we are into all the freaky shit and laughed hard and too long (like the count on sesame street 1....2... hahahaha..remember).

We finally pull up and I tell him the fee he pays it and gets out. She didn't open her door, which was weird your fee has been paid get the fuck out. He opens her door for her and she steps out. I put my car in reverse and prepare to pull off and I look over and her wrists are tied together with these leather straps....and he gives me a look like Brad Pitt in that movie Kalifornia. He lifts her dress and she has no underware on (ughhhh in the back of a cab really?!) and he pulls out one of those small leather whips from her purse and starts to spank her with it.

The night was weird anyway, it ended with a guy who saw me earlier at the liquor store who nicknamed me Pinky because of my lips, screaming up the sidewalk PINKY...PINKAY...PINKAY, as I pulled off into the darkness.

The Beat Down

I saw my first live police beat down last night. I was picking up one of my regulars, this particular one has baby momma drama. His girlfriend who is about 7 years older than he he is in his mid 30's she has other children with weird age gaps doesn't work full time and he hates her son. But anyway she got pregnant immediately with his child and now wants to get married, (this being her second marriage, 3rd or 4th child few different baby daddy's). Anyway now after the kid is here blah blah blah she wants to do the right thing (smell setup a mile away) and get married. He has a good job either way she will get good child support.

Anyway I was taking him to work, and telling him the effects marriage has on your health, as I crossed over the light this police car came flying down my side of the road the wrong way and there was another car on the correct side of the road, going toward the scene. They cut off the road immediately (but still enough for me to move past). Of course I slowed down to see what the hell is going on, (since they were being so dramatic), and there is already one fat police man on top of the perpetrator dry-humping him and smashing his face in the ground, he wasn't moving not sure if he was already unconscious, got there too late for all of that. The two officers that just pulled around jumped out and start kicking and beating him and two others show up and just hold the flashlights on them. They all had the police car lights (the light of the side of the car) focused on the situation forming a giant spotlight like it was a show.

They were beating the shit out of him, but now that I think back with the dry-humper and the spotlights, I think this was a possible gang rape about to occur. Anyway I had to keep moving didn't see if any penetration occurred or not.

My Backseat

Okay, I have been driving this cab for a while now and after all the things I have seen and heard, I have to say that taxi cab confessions is real. I mean I really thought the show was fake, it is not.

I pick up a this guy and we go pick up which I guess he is girlfriend for a date, I drop them to the movie theater. My last call for the night ends up being these two. Now the guy from the start wasn't the most articulate fellow, when I asked where I was going when I first picked him up he didn't know, he gave me the wrong street (he remembered once we got close). Anyway this particular night my husband was riding with me and it was late so his ADD was starting to kick up, so he started touching shit in the car. When I am driving I live to have my full attention on what is going on around me.

So I hear soft whispers in the back seat and I see the guy lean over and they start kissing uggghh (personally I hate public displays of affection--especially this close). So they are all over each other, so I pull up to his home and yell "we are here" he gets out and they don't say goodbye. I drop her to her destination and she pays and gets out.

My husband says to me, "she had a smell.... like pussy did you smell it?" I say no you know my nose is no good (he has a nose like a damn Anteater)he wasn't paying the couple any attention cause he was fidgeting with the radio, I said "they were all over each other, you didn't see" he said no "I was messing with the radio." We paused and looked at other and he saw the disgust on the my face, I asked "could it be?"

The kissing.....the smell......my backseat?! (were his hands down there)?