Pearls of Wisdom

As a child people always ask, what do you want to be when you grow up. You get moderate exposure to different things and you lie to people so they will shut up and leave you alone, cause you really don't know and don't care until one day you see it/hear and all the clouds just part and the sun shines upon you. Well that is what happened to me when I saw a madam on TV. A pimp, seemed to be my calling, this was the perfect profession. The "middle man" I am the perfect middle man and I all have to do is arrange the date and collect the money, until I found out you had to be a whore first, it crushed my dreams...it really did.

So here I am under the seedy lights driving this cab, seems that I ended up whoring myself anyway. I had to give a bit of background because the passenger I picked up left a little light in my heart for a dream that died long ago.

The moon was high and bright this night and as I bent the corner a slight glint hit the cab, it was a nice night. As I was driving back to the station, I was being flagged down. I picked up a guy, he asked me to take him down town. He kept talking which I didn't feel like hearing because I was enjoying the weather, but I started to tune into his conversation. I don't even know what he was talkin about prior to me hearing this piece of information because I was just nodding my head. I heard him say, "my uncle is a pimp". I said "really when I was young I wanted to be a madam until I found out that you had to be a whore first." He told me that a lot of those madams are still under pimps, damn I had no idea that there was a hierarchy.

So I asked him do the pimps fuck all of their whoes? He told me there are two types of pimps. The ones that beat and fuck all their woman and the other types that turn the woman out; meaning before they make them a whoe they do everything imaginable to them to prep them for the game, they become addicted to the sex they want to be whoes. So once they come into the game he doesn't just have sex with them. I cut him off and said "oh they have to be up there to fuck big daddy huh", he thought that was so funny, but yea that is exactly right.

Man if I didn't have to be a whore I would have made a great pimp! But instead I am getting pimped Oh Well c'est la vie! I thought I would share these pearls of wisdom.

(and yes I do cry myself to sleep at night! I know you were thinking it).

When the Stars Align

You know when you get that eery feeling that something is going to happen, because off all the things going on around you, but you don't know what? Well I was going back to the station from a drop off and this car decides to jump out in front of me...I guess he didn't want to wait. The way the road was setup it had a divider in the middle and cars on both sides of the divider, because there were houses on both sides it was a residential area. The car flew out but in trying to miss the car he had to make a hard left turn and hit the divider and had to pull over. All they had to do was wait for me to pass dumb ass..... this was the first sign.

Then I was coming from taking another customer from the liquor store and across the street there is a gas station, so all I hear is the wheels squealing and a car flying, it flew out of the gas station into the air between us and the cars waiting for the light. I thought they robbed the store, because I looked over and saw the owner outside, but he was walking to calmly to his car with his thong flip flops on. So I hear the squealing tires again so the car came back and circled around, man I had a tinged of fear, I was like Lord please don't get to shootin out here, light please just change.

The light changes and I start to drive, I bend the corner a man jumps into the street and rips his shirt open holds out his arm and screams "TAAAAAKKKKEEE MEEEEEEEEEE!" I had to throw on the brakes I almost his this son of bitch. I was so mad, I drove around him and watch from the rear view mirror. He slowly crossed the street I went on. I was heated cause I am really tired of these people.

So a week later, I am sitting at the station talkin to another driver and the station manager who comes to hang out periodically says to did you see all the metro police up here the other day. He was like yea, what was going on? The station manger was like it was a passenger tryin to kill himself, I had to hold him down and he was strong too, he kept taking his clothes off and the metro police finally arrived all he had was his pants around his legs when they got there, took them 45 minutes. The other driver was like yea I saw them taking him out with a sheet wrapped around him. Why was this the same man that jumped into the road, apparently since the cars would take him out he went to the station.

"Stop the madness" I know this is taking it back to the 80's but what else can I say at this point!

A Love Story

As you may have read I ride around many weirdos and addicts, not all bad not all crazy. I present "High as a Kite" a crackhead love story.

This couple had flagged me down but I had a customer in the back, so once I dropped the customer I went back to pick them up. The woman was making general conversation and asked me to go to the bank to pick up some money. She was so pretty and sweet, she told me that she gets a monthly disability check because she had a stroke, she said it was due to drugs, she was 32 at the time, she is now about 37.

I asked them where they were going and I took them, she said it was round trip. When the boyfriend got out I guess to procure the crack, I guess she thought I might be judging her. So she says "sometimes you can't get over things that happen in your life and you do things to cope." I told her I understood everyone has a vice, hell I eat to get through my troubles." She smiled and said "thank you for saying that". She said I was clean for two years, but he just got diagnosed with testicular cancer, so he started smoking and I fell off as well, I said is it fatal she said yea he is dying, his father and grandfather died from it too. She said "I was going to leave, but I am going to be there for him in the end, he has maybe a year she said".

As we waited she gave me a 20 bill. I told her that it was way too much and her trip would probably be like9 dollars and some change, she told me to keep it. She said I always take care of people and her mother told her should would be blessed because of it. He came back to the car and she said "I will be right back", they stepped out I assume to get high and got back in, Marvin Gaye's distant lover was playing on the radio, they asked me to turn it up as they laid on each others shoulders.

I saw him two months later and bought two watches from him for 5 dollars.

Weird Occurances

So the other day I was coming into the station and before I bent the corner there was a man sitting in the ditch. The way he was sitting was like when men leave the toilet seat up and you go in to pee and u do the fall in... you know they way your legs fly up. I thought he might have fell, but I watched him in my rear view. He didn't move, he wasn't shitting cause his pants were up (well doesn't mean he wasn't but you know what I mean). He was just staring straight ahead he didn't move.


I bring this up because a few months back I bent that same corner but up a ways and there was a girl sitting there. This is a road almost all the cars have to come in and out so not a good place to sit dangerous even. She was sitting turned to the side and crying, anyway thought that was worth noting.

A Typical Friday Night

There was something in the air tonight, as I road my passenger into the city for work. He is a smoker, and I was feeling pretty good this night, so I gave him a full-bodied Macanudo cigar...I keep those in the car for some of my best customers. We talked about the events in the city and some of the fine art and museums.......Sorry I needed to have a moment where it seemed that cabbin was a little seductive, not the true hell it is. Here is what really happened.

The night was humid and hot, the smell ass was in the air, and my deodorant stopped working an hour ago and I was stuck in traffic trying to take my passenger to work.

He starts to tell me all he does for this woman who is pressing him to marry him after she had his baby, but she isn't workin because the baby is small, she has other children so he is taking care of them all (including her two adult brothers that are in the house in their late 30's early 40's). He goes into work and deals with the hell of working all day, then comes home listens to his girlfriend tell him how she doesn't get enough attention and he is never home, he listens to the kids and their issues, and he goes to school, on top of this he does not sex 3 week stretches at a time?

So I ask "So let me get this straight, you work all day long while she is sitting around, you go to school, you listen to her bitch and complain and all her kids bullshit, and then you don't get any pussy or get your dick sucked for 3 weeks at a time, and she doesn't understand why you ain't running down the isle?" After I recapped what he told me, I look in the rear view mirror and he had this look of hatred in his eyes and he gently nodded, he put his head down slightly in sadness. At that moment I became silent cause I thought, he is going to open the door and jump to his death or kill himself, I actually gave him some good advice.

So I drop him and it begins to rain really hard, hard enough where I should have pulled over, but of course I didn't because calls were coming out on the radio. I made a few more drop offs, then I got a pick up from PG hospital, two woman and a young boy. While were in route to take them home it had stopped raining and I had rolled down my windows, a police officer pulls up beside me and says "what??! you tryin to race me" of course I could not let this go, I say "don't make me embarrass you out here." I came to my senses when the light turned green, but I was going slow so I thought. Well the light goes off and he pulls me over, I was doing 20 miles over, but he just wanted to socialize. He wanted everyone's information, and he was just talkin and talkin he was about to get off so I guess he needed someone to play with. So he questioned all of us about our ages, he never once asked for my drivers license or my hack license. So when we started to question him cause he had already given his birth date but not the year, the girl in the back said "1957", which I was thinking too until I saw the look of disbelief that she would think something like that.

But he looked old. He had blond hair (and he was a white guy by the way so you won't think he was black with dyed hair) but it was dried out like an old man didn't have any sheen or luster to it, he had cracks in his face and dark plaque between his teeth, so when he said 1974, I was astonished; 36!! life had not been kind to him. He told us to have a nice night after I had missed probably 50 dollars while he ran his mouth for 20 minutes and we were on our way.

P.S. When I asked him his name he smiled with a kittenish grin with the dark plaque between every tooth and said Officer Friendly, like he was sexy! Pissed me off.

The African Booty Scratcher

In the last 6 months I have been called an African Booty Scratcher at least seven times... seven TIMES by seven different people. Now I use to use this term when I was eight, I thought this was the funniest thing in the on earth to call someone an African Booty Scratcher, I mean it just sounds funny, but I was EIGHT and that was in the 80's.....this is 2010 and this is being yelled at me by adults WTF!

Then they feel stupid when they see I am not even African. I have an excellent example cause it ended up being one of my passengers. I pull up to the house, the street was really tight because their were cars on both sides, so if another car pulls up you have to find a place to pull over to let them by. On top of that it is summer and their are kids grouped up near cars on top of cars. So I happen to pull up to let a car by, of course there was a group of kids. So the customers comes out of the house yellin, "YOU PULLED UP TO FAR IDIOT", FUCKIN IDIOT, GADAMN AFRICAN BOOTY SCRATCHIN FUCKIN IDIOT." So the kids are like do you hear this bitch, I think you should leave her, so the lady walks over to this guy and the kids say "annnnd she buyin drugs" so the form a chant "leave her, leave her". So I back the car up this bitch is still yellin and callin me names. So she opens the door and gets in and I see the look of shock come over her face, I not sure if it was because I was a woman or she could see the deadness in my eyes, but she silent and turned nice.

I asked her where she was going and I took her. My point being that multiple people --adults, are still using the term, come on now..... it's 2010.

The Cellphone

The following events I take full responsibility for because my doors should have been locked.

It was 3:25 am Saturday morning, I was tired and irritated because their were no calls coming from the dispatch on the first of the month on a Holiday weekend... The bitch was in the office sleep, on top of that I had to cuss out another driver, So I am hanging strong at the metro glad the night is about to be over. I pull around the corner and this weird looking white woman comes out of nowhere, like in a scary movie and jumps in front of the car with her hands out for me to stop.

She looked all scary and disheveled and it appeared that she didn't have shoes on. She had this long hair that was parted in the middle and bushy, her face was little as shit and she had on these sassy bifocals. Anyway she motions for me to stop by jumping in front of my car (like in a scary movie), I almost ran over her ass, her hands were on my hood, so I am stunned of course cause it is after 3 in the morning and this disheveled weirdo comes out of nowhere (she looked like a supernatural creature).

So I stop the car, (well I had no choice) I would have ran over this bitch (when you get to the end you will agree that I should have). She runs to the passenger door, here is where I have to take responsibility, If my doors were locked, I could have pulled the fuck off. Anyway she gets in lookin all crazy and stinkin and says "we got find them...go after them" I am cutting her off, "we got to find who" she is like "they have to be around here" I am yelling I am not going after no body? Go after who? Mannnnn, what the fuck is going on? What happened" she is like " go gurrrrrrallll, goooooo! (voice was irritating). I said I am not going no where, I am a woman I ain't getting caught up in yo shit" so she says "We can take gurrral come on" I yell back "MAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR". While this conversation is going on she is looking all around and clappin her fist together, then she looks over sees something and jumps out and yells call the metro police leaving the door open and leaves her purse and keys and shit behind. I yell "Bitch, I don't work for metro!" Now my first instinct is to throw her shit out of the car and pull off. As I gathered it up to toss it, I thought, this shit will get stolen she will say I took it and this station is the one I I usually sit at I don't need the drama, so I pull over, I am mad now.

I look over she ran over to this car of young black guys, so I can't hear what she is saying, all I hear is "Bitch get the fuck away from my car", I am like fuuuccck, so I start to walk up to tell metro manger so he can get this whore some help, so I walk as close as I can so he can see there is a situation, he knows me so he starts to come out I start yelling "this bitch is lunchin you need to call for some help". I hear the guy in the car yell louder "BITCH GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CAR" This stupid bitch is still standing their arguing, so he shoves her ass down and they pull off.

So she walks over still all hyped up, talkin bout "just cause I am from the hills, I can still take them and I am all I got I have to do my own investigative work", so the manager says what happened. She says, "I nodded off for two seconds on the train and someone took my cellphone".....I will pause for your reaction......., cause mine was not good.. I went off at that point, "you put my life in jeopardy for a muthafuckin cellphone, are you out of your muthafuckin mind"...I am flicking and flicking, so now the metro-police arrive, they pull up in a truck 6 deep and cockstrong, I was disgusted.

So her story begins to descend from this point. She tells them that she fell asleep on the train and someone took her cellphone and when she got off the train, the guy ran down the road and this car of black guys pull up and pick these girls up. That doesn't make any sense if the guy ran away he ran away. So the manager looks at her, I look at her and he asks where do you live, so she says isn't this Cheverly Metro, I say hell no this Landover metro, the manger looks at me and says the metro police can take her, I say okay and I left and more police began to pull up. As I walk away I hear her go on to say that she has to sleep in her car cause she had a fight with her sister and she didn't want to wake her parents, WTF!

This was the second crazy white woman I saw at the station tonight, I don't know what happened to the first one, all I saw was her hiding behind the brown recycled cans at the station.


I normally don't curse this much in my blogs but this whore deserves every foul thought and obscenity used for making me get indignant! BITCH!