The Party

Okay I have to say I brought this one on myself for being nosey, so I can blame no one. I picked up a group of women that were coming from a bachelorette party and they were talking and getting all excited in retrospect, I guess that they were making comparisons. They were all focused on the cellphone and then talkin about the stripper, so when I asked what was so interesting (again I say it is my fault). She reaches through the glass and shows me her phone.

It was a picture of her boyfriend standing their smiling with is erect penis (yes he posed proudly for the picture). Anyway they were making the comparisons to her boyfriend the stripper. Now this is sad, but I have friends that have emailed their vagina's to each other to see who had the prettiest, so the picture isn't what disturbed me. It was how he posed for the picture butt naked with that smile (I really wish I had a copy to post).

These things can not be normal. If I wasn't so ashamed of my life experiences I would have a camera just follow me around and document it, so others could endure it with me.

The Snitch and the CockRoach

Okay, I don't know how we got on this conversation, but the snitch added a window unit (small air conditioner) to his apartment. He comes out of the kitchen and there on the wall is a huge cockroach. So I joked that he probably needed five dollars to get some lunch, so he went with that for a bit; but then he started to tell me how he tried to kill the roach.

Now I hate killing certain bugs, roaches being one because you have to feel the crunch and you go through a range of physical emotions afterwards. The snitch didn't say why he made this choice, but for me it seemed worse. To rid his home of the vile beast he chose to to fill up a cup with bleach and throw it on the roach.

Bleach is funky and in a small spaces it is loud, I don't understand. When he wakes up the next day the roach had made his way to the kitchen sink; instead of washing it down the sink since it was already weak and dying, he fills up another cup and throws it on the roach.

The Snitch

I told you before how the drivers are getting more comfortable with me, so they are starting to talk to me more often. This one is a black man who grew up in DC and he has the young man syndrome, and he knows everything, he really isn't listening to your questions or your answers, he just likes to talk. He has a long line of cabbies in his family and this is what he has been doing forever. We will call him "Young Man" for this entry.

So this night he started to tell me about our old dispatch that recently got fired. For this entry I will call her Cindy. The first day I started Cindy didn't hesitate to ask for $8.00 dollars (come on 8 dollars.. screams junky) and to drive her to get her blood pressure pill (if there was a camera I would have looked directly into it, with a "come on" look). She got me a few times, but I put an end to that, if I drive you, you need to pay me. She made sure she took care of you by like sending you calls directly to your cellphone (which you are not suppose to do), but she was no good at it. She thought she was hooking you up by sending you someone who was going to the damn airport; the thing about that is you miss about 10 calls which can save you more gas cause they are close and make you more money than that one call.

Any way he was telling me that she wasn't just a junky, she was pimpin who'in, doing and selling drugs, right out of the office, this is before they got cameras in the office. He said that is the main reason why they got them to catch her, they new something was up, but not sure what it was. Young Man said he went up there one time for something and she had someone hiding under the desk. I said "under the desk for what were they eating her pussy", he "paused and frowned and said no one wants any Cindy pussy", I laughed really hard. He said the thing about it was Cindy would try and get you caught up into her mess, she was doing all these side deals where she was trying to get the drivers to run drugs for the dealers, when one of them got murdered cause he didnt' want to do it anymore, that is when he got mad.

He said he got so mad he started snitchin (I giggled, cause you had to hear the inflection). He started telling on all the shit she was doing. Now I am learning this whole industry is just shady and seedy, but I have to admit, some of this shit is funny, so his telling of course nothing was going to happen. He confronted Cindy when one of his passengers asked him to run a package up to Cindy, he was saying "it is one thing when she does her shit but she tries to get others involved, I just want my nice clean money" (yea cabbing is clean, feel all dirty and beat up at the end of the night), so he tells the guy to take it himself and he cusses Cindy out.

He says the next day I was followed from Landover all the way to College Park metro where this guy jumped out started threatening him, needless to say he made up with Cindy." We both laughed at that. Cindy was able to do all the stuff she was doing even with the cameras in the office. She just got fired recently maybe 2 months ago. All the stuff she was doing she got caught on camera giving out a call on her cellphone, instead of putting it out over the air.

She has to be mad... all the things she was doing and she was brought down for that one mistake, that's like Al Capone going down for tax evasion.

The Stripper

I ride woman all the time that complain about the other cab drivers staring at them and trying to pick them up, they hate it, so they like it when they ride with a woman, just pay me I don't want to look or talk to you (damn I sound like a professional whore), but I digress, this had to be a weekend because it was day time a girl came to the cab and wanted to a ride from Landover Station to Union Station, now I don't judge my passengers cause I really don't care, but I assumed she was a dancer because she had the little pull bag, she was willing to pay at least $30-$40 to ride a the cab to the station instead of getting on the train and paying $3.00.

I tell her the train would be cheaper and she said money is not an issue she has a show to do and she was running late and later during the ride she confirmed verbally that she was a stripper. So I say "okay get in", while we are on the way she starts to change her clothes and tells me she is glad I am a women cause the men like to stare while she changes her clothes. This is a pretty clean trip standard almost, until she puts her ass on the glass shield between the front seat and the back, I would have been annoyed with this anyway because I can't see out the back and I don't want to see your ass, but I was pissed this time because the glass was open and my head was there and she had not damn draws on, when I saw that from my peripheral, I almost crashed the damn car trying to cover my face and roll down the windows, I can't....!

I got her to her destination quick, she tipped me well for my discomfort.

The Tap Dancer

Why did I pull into the station and a person, was tap dancing on top of the bench? It was like he waited for me, I mean this couldn't have happened one minute before I showed up. I drive up he jumps up there and and breaks into dance, for about 30 secs and gets down and sits there until his ride shows up.

WHY?

The Invitation

Okay, I must have blocked this guy out, I didn't remember him until the pick-up request came out over the radio last night. Most of the cab drivers won't go over in Seat Pleasant, but I grew up there so I do pick up over in that area, it is not that bad. Anyway I picked this guy up several times from the dirty Jerry's (a carryout), he is an old young man, one of those men who are too old to be dressing like these young folks today, still trying to hold on, (like LL Cool J, but he does still have it).

Anyway he was always nice talked BS, but would always ask for my number even though I was married he wanted to be friends (uh huh), makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to hear this every time I give him a ride. When I pick him up he usually has some drink in him so I think he has a little buzz, so this particular night, I drop him off and he tells me that he really likes me and wants me to call him, so he pays and gets out the car. So he asks me to hold up a minute, and walks around the car and leans in and says, "I won't hurt you", so I ask he to back the fuck then, I don't like anyone to get too close of course. So he says I need you to come up to my apartment for just a minute, I say "no" so he gets a little louder and says "it will be just a minute", I hear the crazy coming out, but the way the apartment complex is setup, there is only one way in and one way out and this car is sitting their blocking my exit getting their kids and stuff out of the car.

So now he is talking and I am tuning him out because I have to find my mace and see if I have to run these people and their kids over to get out of this complex. So he says "Do you hear me?" he can see I am not paying attention to him, so he starts jumping up and down and screaming "I NEED YOU TO COME UP TO THE APARTMENT FOR A MINUTE JUST A MINUTE", I am like oh man this is about to get ugly, because I am about to hit this car in front of me, but it backs out quickly and I hit the gas and get the hell out of there. He is still jumping up and down yelling when I looked in my rear view mirror (mind you this man is about 55-60).

I wonder how many cab drivers Dahmer has up there?

The Proposition

One of my favorite passengers, for this entry I will call him John, he is such a good passenger, I know when I pick him up I am going to make between $30-$100 bucks for the night, (he always tips like $20.00). He is this Hispanic guy and he doesn't speak great English, but he teaches me Spanish here and there and vice versa. He is around 22, single and goes out at first every weekend, now probably every other weekend.

He normally just lays in the back seat and tells me how much he loves me, by screaming my name and telling me that he loves me!, One time he put his friend on the phone and he told me he was going to kill me WTF, anyway I digress, this particular night, I picked him up from a club as usual (normally drop off and pick up).

On the way back to his apartment, he tells me that he wants to be with me tonight, so of course I think that he means something like he is glad I picked him up, but he goes on to clarify that he has money and he would pay to be with me. So I respond "what, John I just picked you up from the club, you could have gotten any woman at the club to come home with you, especially if you paid her, why didn't you?" he responded "I want to be with you tonight, I will pay you, I would like 2 hours with you. At first he offers $200.00, so of course I tell him he is drunk and needs to go in and sleep it off, then we pull up and he offers more.

The following are reasons are of course is why I was disgusted.

1. For this body (really...what)
2. What the in the hell do you want to do for 2 hours, hell when I was a young woman I would have that question.
3. For this body really (some things need to be questioned more than once).

So I park and tell him the amount he owes me, so starts pulling out money. "I will pay you" he says singing a little tune, like he trying to entice me, so he puts $200.00 on the window seal, so" I tell him to go head and sleep it off" (meaning the alcohol), and asks him to give me the money for the trip; he lays out another $100.00, I say John, please just get out. He lays out another $100.00, (which now means we are up to $400.00). I tell him I have to get going, he lays out another $100.00, okay at that point I paused mid-speech it was $500.00 laid in front of me. For the record, the pause was only 10 seconds, but I hesitated, DAMMIT (look I had bills to pay that Monday). Anyway, he finally got out of the car and told me he would call me next weekend (so I didn't take the money).

He called five minutes after I left and said.. I need to be with you tonight, I told him to sober up and call me when he needs a ride.

Someone save me..... this can not be my life!